What is Pathological Demand Avoidance?

It's Not About Being Difficult

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is a neurotype within the autism spectrum characterized by an overwhelming need for autonomy and an anxiety-driven resistance to everyday demands.

For children with PDA, even simple requests like "put on your shoes" or "come eat dinner" can trigger extreme anxiety. Their nervous system perceives demands as threats to their autonomy, flooding their body with fight-or-flight chemicals.

This isn't defiance. It's not manipulation. It's a nervous system responding to perceived danger.

Why Typical Autism Strategies Don't Work

Many strategies that help other autistic children can actually harm PDA children:

• Visual schedules - Feel controlling, increase anxiety
• Reward systems - Create pressure, trigger demand avoidance
• Clear expectations - Intensify the sense of being controlled
• Consequences - Escalate nervous system dysregulation

PDA children need a completely different approach - one that reduces demands, equalizes power, and builds felt safety instead of compliance.

Key PDA Characteristics

• Extreme resistance to everyday demands and expectations
• High anxiety around loss of control or autonomy
• Surface "social" skills that mask deep overwhelm
• Intense need to be in charge of interactions
• Explosive reactions that seem disproportionate
• Strategic avoidance using distraction, excuse-making, or withdrawal

What's Really Happening

When a PDA child's nervous system detects a demand, it activates the same threat response you'd have if someone pointed a gun at you. Their body floods with cortisol and adrenaline. Their thinking brain goes offline. They literally cannot comply - even when they desperately want to.

This is why punishment doesn't work. You can't punish someone out of a panic attack.

The path forward isn't forcing compliance. It's reducing the nervous system load, building trust, and finding low-demand ways to help your child move through their day.